We all probably have stories where we put a lot of effort into a school project that no one even noticed. Have you ever felt unappreciated?

Or maybe your long-term partner dumped you for someone richer, younger, or just “better than you” in a way you never thought possible. Have you ever felt unappreciated?

And what about work? You put in a lot of effort, day in and day out, and then that newbie scammer stole your promotion from under your nose. Have you ever felt unappreciated?

What about that startup of yours – you worked day and night for months, and when you finally launched, no one bought a single piece of your creation. Have you ever felt unappreciated?

Or maybe that situation where your dad praised the neighbor’s son for his mediocre achievements, completely ignoring what you did. Have you ever felt unappreciated?

Well, the truth is that we humans value others and their actions based on our own value system. And each person has their own set of values. Which makes the whole idea of ​​appreciation flawed by design. But we take it personally, simply because we are human and we all have those ego-boosting moments when we are seen and praised by someone else. Especially if it was by someone we ourselves hold in high regard. That adorable girl or boy we secretly like. Our mother or father who were always busy but strictly controlled our own behavior. Or maybe the teacher who didn’t understand our ideas so he gave us a low grade. Is it our boss or even clients ? Keeping being authentic in such cases is not so easy. And it takes courage. A lot of courage!

Depending on how often we have been in an environment where our personal values ​​differ from the social values ​​accepted in that neighborhood, this can lead to growing up internalizing the message that something is wrong with us. Have we always felt this pressure to conform? Because the crowd doesn’t like difference, no matter what they say, and even punishes it with isolation.

Like being a beggar in a millionaires’ club. You get the idea.

So it’s extremely difficult not to strive for external recognition, which is actually the essence of this desire for appreciation. Especially if you grew up as a social outcast.

But once you understand that your true value is not in the eyes of the beholder, you become free. Because you understand that you have a choice: if they don’t value me, then they are not my people. So I replace them with those who see my value. Even if there are few of them in the world.

Only the fear of being left alone in the abyss can prevent us from finding our people. That abyss, when you leave your old unappreciative environment and before you find your new appreciative friends.

So… finding the place where you are valued can be a heroic journey for you, simply because life is different for each of us. And the only person who appreciates your worth at the end is you yourself.

Finally do you follow your instincts for your own worth or you trade it for momentary external appreciation ?