It’s easier to not respond online than in person. After all, ghosting is a phenomenon of our digital age, and it’s no coincidence that we have a term for it—precisely because it’s not an isolated incident.

But what’s the nonverbal message behind such behavior? Well, first of all, it doesn’t have to be ghosting at all. Someone could simply ignore your message but continue to interact with you, or just not respond in a timely manner, in line with your expectations. They could even miss your message, or it could be filtered by some spam filter in their email client. You don’t know what’s going on. But you make assumptions based on your past experiences or traumatic reactions. And here’s the key:

How do you feel when someone doesn’t respond to your message?

I felt mostly angry. Because I thought by default that they were just ignoring me, sending me the message that they were power-playing with me.

The power game is a game we all know. Controlling someone, testing their patience, or simply positioning ourselves as “unreachable” feeds our ego that we are superior to nothing else. This works really well (but not only) in so-called “romantic” relationships, where one person tries to get close to the other while the other person acts “hard to catch,” for example.

In other cases, not responding creates uncertainty and can be an ambiguity tactic to keep the interaction open. Like the girl who doesn’t want to tell the guy she doesn’t love him because she hates being alone, so she’d rather hold him unaware until she finds someone better (thus, btw rarely works).

Or it can be a boundary-setting tactic that says “I’m not into this topic” without confrontation. Especially for people who are afraid of conflict. And many people have this fear of conflict buried deep inside. Especially those who are always kind and nice to others. Do you think they’re being sincere? I really doubt it. But that’s just my opinion 😉 Sometimes someone just tells you “you can’t talk to me like that” without actually saying it.

Of course, this could be a sign of disinterest or low priority to them, signaling that your request or communication isn’t important enough to warrant attention. Like the disappointing lack of response to your video as an annoying influencer candidate, talking about what you had for breakfast for an hour, and your audience has been waiting for you to say something important to them, and in the end, they feel screwed.

Then maybe it’s just overload or avoidance – they might be feeling overwhelmed, unsure, or reluctant to respond, using silence as a temporary buffer. Like a colleague of mine who I asked something and he didn’t answer. A few days later, I asked him something else and he still didn’t answer. Finally, I asked him, “Why aren’t you answering my questions?” and I got the simplest answer ever: “I don’t know how to answer you.” Which was a straightforward answer.

And the one thing that a no-answer doesn’t tell you is that you’re rejected because there’s something wrong with you.

Because the message behind the “no response” behavior speaks only about the person who is not responding and their issues, not about you.