Daily writing prompt

What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?

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Money, of course. But the same principles work for other things. Because everything costs something else. And no, this is not a quote from Winnie the Pooh, even though it sounds like it, and I found it writen in a source, which I don’t think is true.

So… As a child, I was raised to be a “good person” and not ask for anything until it was offered to me. That played a bad joke on me when I started working and earning money. I never asked, I just expected to be offered. Then I would accept the offer without bargaining. And I felt bad because it wasn’t enough. But my problem was that I had a passion for this job, and I would do it even if I didn’t get paid. So how can you negotiate for pay if there’s a risk of being rejected and losing that dream job that you’re so attracted to? And that’s the problem with passions – they can cloud your common sense and make you idealistic. Which is not a bad thing from my perspective. As long as you are aware of what you are doing.

But can I ask for more money later? Yes, not only can I, but I must. Because the third law, or the Order of Love, in family constellations is the Balance of Giving and Receiving. This principle states that in order for relationships to remain healthy and for systems to function well, there needs to be an equal exchange or balance of giving and receiving between members. This is not the place to explain family and business constellations and how they work for companies, but we can borrow from this method the idea of ​​the balance of giving and receiving.

If you feel resentment, this is a clear sign that in your perception you are giving more than you are receiving. Which means it is a good idea to initiate a conversation about a pay increase. But… And here is the famous “yes, but…”. There are also some things you need to check.

So I will offer three perspectives on asking for more money.

First point of view: Basically, if you have made a deal in which you agreed to give more and receive less, you will start to build up resentment. At the same time, the other party, even if completely unconsciously, will start to feel the tension due to the fact that s/he is not giving enough. And if neither you nor your employer/client initiate a conversation about money and work done, you will part ways. Sooner or later, but I think it will be soon. And the party that leaves first is the one that GETS more. Yes, you read that right – the party that gets more in a relationship is the one that leaves first when the relationship is unbalanced. Which does not necessarily mean that your employer will directly fire you. And if that happens it will be not because you are not giving enough, but because you are giving too much and s/he cannot compensate you. But they will rather abuse you in such a way that you yourself will feel unwanted and leave, not firing you directly, because this will impose additional feeling of guilt over them.

To prevent such negative scenario, at least you can check is your client or employer aware of this imbalance and how does s/he feel about such a conversation. For example, I tried to start a conversation with the head of a company 3 times a year about a project I was leading, but she literally ran away from such a meeting, which made me realize that she understood why I wanted to talk to her and was not happy with the idea. In such cases, the correct behavior for you is to reduce the amount of what you are giving to match the level of pay. Otherwise, you will part ways, as happened in my project.

The second point of view is to become clear about why you want more money. If it is not because you feel imbalance between giving and receiving, but simply because you need more money, then your strategy is different – you can offer something more (upsell) – providing additional value, be it depper service, next level of service, or what you consider worthy to your client or employer. Or you can offer a “cross sell” – a deal for another service or product – for example, taking a second position in the same company for increased pay or offering an additional project to your client for a separate pay. In this case, you need to be prepared to hear “no”, because in fact this is a new sale. Yes, to the same client, but still a new sale. So, they might say no, and you need to be emotionally and mentally prepared to deal with that no, because otherwise you might ruin your main job with them.

There is at least one, third point of view that I see people tend to underestimate: consider who you are asking from. Yes, you can ask for more money for yourself by simply offering a service to someone else. Who ever told you that you have to sell everything you have to sell to one client/employer? Just look around and see who else needs your services or whatever you have to sell and offer it to them. Create a second stream of income. Then create a third. And that’s the best strategy of the three, simply because this kind of diversification reduces your dependence on one client/employer, so your sense of security improves.

And if you’re wondering how to ask for money, that’s what we’ll talk about next time.