Coercion is a form of control that involves using force or manipulation to make someone do something against their true will. Says Dr. Najmun Riyaz on her website.

I can understand people who feel desperate and use coercion because they are afraid of losing something that is meaningful to them, such as a desire for power that they have projected over me. Yes, I can understand, but I can’t help but be sad. Sadness occurs when we experience some kind of psychological loss, and usually it is the loss of our dreams of a bright future with this person.

When coercion is applied publicly, my first association is with a child throwing a tantrum and trying to force me to give him what he wants, lying on the floor in a supermarket. Some kind of unconscious use of blackmail through public display, which is supposed to make it clear “who’s the boss.” But how desperate does an adult have to be to try to use such a pathetic tactic to solidify their perceived dominance? And how miserable? But yes, I have already won the battle they have imposed on me, because if someone tries to humiliate me, I am already perceived as superior to them.

And it backfires on me when I’m clearly not impressed and just walk away. Then they hate me even more. Because their own fear-driven behavior hasn’t changed my attitude toward them. They’ve lost. Again!

Because it wasn’t even really about me. It was their unfinished business with someone in their early life. Maybe a parent, sibling, or authority figure at kindergarten. I don’t know. And I’m sorry, but it’s not my job to play punching bag for someone’s unhealed wounds.

Healing trauma is the only path to inner peace.