I’ve heard this many times from my father, from friends and colleagues. I’ve heard myself say this to someone in the past and even to myself. My mother didn’t tell me, but it was even worse because I could see her face when I asked for money as a child. So I subconsciously started avoiding asking for money – no one wants to hurt their mother consciously, right?

But to be honest, it’s rare that I actually don’t have a penny in my pocket or in my electronic accounts. Not having money is more often a strategy than my financial balance. And most of the time it’s an unconscious strategy that gives me a perception of a temporary advantage. Sometimes even a long-term advantage in my perception. But the dark side of this statement is that if I repeat it often enough, it becomes a conscious belief and… yes, a way of life.

Let me tell you why. One day I asked myself: “What is the benefit to me of not having money?”

And it seemed like the right time to ask myself this question, because the stream of thoughts was unleashed: If I don’t have money, I don’t have to share it with my sister or my birth family. I don’t have to lend money to my friends or cousins ​​when they ask me for money. It’s just like saying “I want to help you, but I don’t have it” – it’s not me, it’s the fate. It’s much easier to say that than “I don’t want to give you money.” And the reason I don’t want to give you MY money might be perfectly valid in terms of my own value system, for example… because I don’t believe it’s fair to share my income with you, who never saves and always wants to borrow, or I don’t want to give you my money to buy something valuable to you, instead of me buying something valuable to me, or I just think you only call me when you need money, or I feel like you don’t care about me and are mostly interested in my wallet…

All of these reasons why I don’t want to give you money are perfectly valid and fair from my perspective. And since it’s money in my pocket, it’s easy to see why I think it’s my decision what to do with it. But all of these perfectly valid reasons why I don’t want to give you money have one thing in common: If I’m that honest, I’ll probably lose these people’s attitude toward me. I will devalue my perceived social capital that I derive from this relationship. The other person will most likely change their attitude toward me. Or at least that is the fear. So it is easier to say “I don’t have money”. In this way, I project my decision not to give money to the fate and retain the perceived benefits of others’ attitude towards me. Or at least that is what I think. Cool, right?

It is even more convenient with my wife – if I don’t have money, she will not project the obligations of her absent father onto me, just because of her unconscious wound of abandonement or betrayal that pushes her to seek attention and validation all the time. And this makes me feel exactly like a faceless ATM. In fact, she will leave me, doing me a favor, to stop pushing me to satisfy a hole in her soul, which cannot be satisfied by all the money in the world.

And last but not least: if I don’t have money, I belong. I belong to my birth family, which knows what scarcity is, and if I don’t have money, I stay loyal to them. Because I know what happened when I bought a brand new car many years ago. Instead of sharing my joy, my father got angry and stopped talking to me for a while. This is how the subconscious works: if I have money, my father is angry. So, if I want to please him, I have to be broke. And when I don’t have money, my mother feels satisfied that she can take care of me by giving me some of her meager savings. It’s as simple as that.

Or I can choose to be myself, taking the risk of losing contact with people dear to me. A difficult decision, right? So, not having money is just a strategy. Because sometimes it’s just not possible to have everything.

Or at least that’s how it seems until you realize it and take responsibility for your own life. Because yes, everything is attainable, but sometimes you have to make these frightening journeys to oneself.

The travel very rewarding when you arrive, but not so enjoyable experiences during the trip itself.