Digging deeper and deeper into myself to discover who I am can be addictive. And painful when the discoveries I make start to manifest on the outside. Some people leave my life. Some activities no longer interest me. Sometimes I feel alone, though rarely lonely, and I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

Is it worth it? Who knows. It’s my choice. It’s not a must. Transformation can be very rewarding, but no one said it would be enjoyable, right?

The new awareness is that I can no longer run my old business the way I used to. I finished my last project and feel disgust to start a new one the same way. I’ve changed on the level of consciousness and my perception of the world is surprisingly different now. I can no longer tolerate superiority-designed hierarchical systems. Which give decision-making power to someone’s position in the framework, no matter does this person has ability to lead.

But then… my past knowledge about these systems can be of use if I start disrupting them?

It is really funny. My past success was entirely based on my deep understanding of these systems which I can’t stand anymore.

This conscious wish to radically transform outdated systematic structures is new to me.